I chose to never speak to you again. The kind of decision you can’t just take back, or change. Acting everyday, as if I was okay, as if we were okay, was something I could no longer handle. The line of my nightmares began crossing into my reality and I could no longer decipher one from the other. The pain on my chest was too heavy to try to carry, seaping through my skin, straight to my bones, I had to let go. I buried the weight deep down, like you would a treasure chest if you were trying to hide it. Although, the pain was no longer visible on the outside, it was still there. It lies deep beneath anything you could ever see by just looking at the surface. And in time, if you were to dig deep enough, you could open the fossilized treasure chest, just to find that, I could never forget you. No matter how deep I buried the heavy weight of the treasure chest, to which is my heart.
To be honest, I’m not quite sure who this ‘friend’ is. But, let’s just say you’re my bestfriend, one who nods, and listens, and doesn’t say anything. I was just wondering how to be happy. I really feel like it’s impossible to force happiness upon yourself. I mean, I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried smiling, laughing, being crazy, out of control, looking good, and it almost works sometimes. Sometimes, I really believe it. But, then I go home. All alone with my thoughts, all I have on my mind are the memories I’m trying to forget, pounding against my skull. And that’s exactly what it feels like. Pounding. It makes me want to scream. It’s like a never ending alarm clock on a Monday morning. I scream stop in my head, but it doesn’t go away. I rub my temples, hoping to soothe the hurt out of my mind, but it doesn’t stop. It won’t stop. The thoughts are horrible. They make me feel insane, yet numb to the pain I’m feeling. I’ve had dreams. Horrible dreams. They tear me apart the most. The worst part is, that I can no longer decipher my dreams from reality. The pain I feel during those dreams stay with me all day.